Are you feeling the pressure to have anal sex? There’s certainly a lot of it when it comes to ass play, but not all pressure is good.
This one comes from — well, she didn’t leave a name so we’ll just call her Ashley. Ashley says she’s been with someone for a few months and he is very insistent that she have anal sex with him. Normally, I’d fully support this. I mean, look at the website name. I’m Doctor Buttstuff. But this one gives me pause, and I think you’ll see why I think Ashley may not want to try anal sex — mainly because she doesn’t want to try anal sex.
Hey “Doc.” I’m a 23-year-old female in California and I have been seeing this guy for three months. He’s sweet most of the time and the sex is great, but lately he’s been pressuring me to try anal sex. Like, really pressuring me.
I’ve been telling him I don’t feel comfortable with it but he won’t stop. Last week, he “accidentally” slipped it in the “wrong hole” and it was very painful. As you can probably tell, I don’t believe for a second it was an accident.
He’s obviously not going to give up on this, so I guess I want to know how I can get myself “ready” for that sort of thing for the sake of my relationship. If he needs something more, I want to give it to him.
Thank you in advance.
Look, Ashley, here’s the thing: you have to want it. No one should ever expect you to do something you don’t feel comfortable with and you definitely shouldn’t try to save your relationship by having anal sex. If that’s what it takes to keep him, then you probably should find someone who doesn’t make trying anal sex a requirement — and you definitely shouldn’t be with someone who is going to force his way in the rear entry.
I firmly believe having anal sex is a beautiful thing two willing partners can enjoy — but the key word there is “willing.” Speaking of doing things “firmly,” you should be firm that anal is one of your boundaries and if he really cares about you he’ll respect that and find something else he likes if he wants to spice up the relationship. Or of course he can just fuck off and respect you in general.
If you decide you WANT to do this, here’s a handy guide on introducing yourself to the pleasures of assplay. We also sell supplies if you’re interested — stuff like buttplugs, vibrators, dildos, anal beads, desensitizing lube, and even a full anal trainer kit. You could “practice” with them and lessen anal sex pain so you have fewer problems with anal sex. All of that stuff can be useful if that’s your goal.
But that’s if you want to try anal sex. And it doesn’t sound like you want to. It’s my favorite thing in the world but if I had to choose between giving it up and being with someone I love or at least respecting their decision (and I have made this decision a few times), I’ll choose love every single time. With his attitude, it sounds like he should worry less about whether he will convince you to have anal sex and more about ever having sex again, period, if you’ll forgive me for soapboxing.
Thanks very much Ashley. I hope this helped. Be sure to email me later and let me know how the situation resolves.
UPDATE: “Ashley” emailed again on 3/24/2018 to inform us:
I told him to fuck off. I tried to work things out, telling myself that his good qualities outweighed the bad but then I realized that you’re right: if he can’t respect me and my body and my decisions regarding it then he has no good qualities. I bought a buttplug from your store and gave it to him in a cute little wrapped package with a ribbon. He was pretty excited about it until he read what I wrote on it: “This is a breakup buttplug. Now go fuck yourself.”